


Highest By Your Warmth

by walkalittleline



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Brief discussion of blood and wounds, M/M, Please listen to Shrike and cry about episode 98 fjorclay, episode 98 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23122252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkalittleline/pseuds/walkalittleline
Summary: “It’s okay,” Caduceus whisper, hearing the tremor in his own voice as he says it. He thinks he’s crying. He can’t tell from the rain. It’s hard to breathe.He presses the diamond against Fjord’s chest, grimacing at the way dark blood smears across his fingers.“Please,” he murmurs, his voice cracking. “Please, don’t take him away like this. Not yet.”
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 11
Kudos: 209





	Highest By Your Warmth

Barely a beat has passed from the last creature hitting the deck before he’s closing the few feet between himself and Fjord’s body. He tries not to pay attention to how unnaturally still he is as he drops down beside him to his knees, his whole body trembling as he fumbles a tiny diamond out of his pouch with numb, rain-slick fingers. The furious pound of blood in his ears has subsided almost as quick as it began, anger and adrenaline draining out of him and leaving him feeling weak and small and terrified.

There’s so much blood, soaking the tattered strips of fabric that were once Fjord’s tunic, running thin in the rain across the deck and soaking into the knees of his trousers. He stifles a sob at how pale Fjord’s face is as he carefully pulls him into his lap, cradling his head carefully and trying not to look at the gaping hole that was once Fjord’s chest. His eyes are half-closed and blank, staring unseeing at the dark sky overhead as rain patters across his cheeks and runs rivulets of blood down the sides of his face like tears.

“It’s okay,” Caduceus whisper, hearing the tremor in his own voice as he says it. He thinks he’s crying. He can’t tell from the rain. It’s hard to breathe. 

He presses the diamond against Fjord’s chest, grimacing at the way dark blood smears across his fingers.

“Please,” he murmurs, his voice cracking. “Please, don’t take him away like this. Not yet.”

He holds Fjord tighter against his chest, bowing his head to shield him from the rain, his own hair limp and soaked through and hanging in a sheet that hides his face as he presses his forehead against Fjord’s. Shutting his eyes, he shakily mutters the words for the spell, feeling sudden warmth spread in his chest, familiar and comforting and spilling out around him until it’s surrounding his whole body.

“It’s not his time,” he says, his vision blurring and hot tears spilling down his cheeks and splashing onto Fjord’s face. “You know it’s not. Don’t take him from me.”

The warmth around him swells and holds firm like an embrace and he squeezes his eyes shut as he feels the diamond grow hot and crumble to dust under his fingers. He presses his lips to Fjord’s forehead desperately, holding his breath and straining his ears for something beyond the rush of rain and distant sound of the others talking around him.

The seconds drag on for what feels like days and for one terrifying moment he’s afraid he did something wrong. But then he hears a soft exhale, feels warm breath on his cheek and he’s so deliriously relieved he can’t help but laugh, though the sound comes out more like a broken sob.

Fjord stirs in his arms, making a quiet, pained sound, and Caduceus lifts his head to look down at him, still stricken with worry. He touches his hand to Fjord’s bloodied chest and immediately pumps healing into him, feeling the wounds slowly knit shut until his fingers.

“Caduceus?” Fjord's voice is so small he barely hears it, glancing up to see Fjord’s eyes cracked open and peering up at him, forehead creased in a faint frown. He shifts slightly and winces, grunting in pain, and Caduceus shushes him gently.

“I’m here,” he says, smiling hesitantly as he brushes the hair back off Fjord’s face. He lets his fingers linger on his cheek for a moment before drawing them away again to rest on Fjord’s chest instead.

“Did I… did I die?” Fjord says, closing his eyes like he’s trying to strain his memory.

Caduceus nods, not sure he can affirm it out loud without crying harder than he already is, tears rolling silently down his face to mingle with the rain. He pulls Fjord into a hug before he can stop himself, careful not to hold him as tight against his chest as he wants. He holds the back of his head, threading his fingers through his damp hair.

Fjord tries weakly to return the hug but his arm falls back at his side limply and Caduceus lowers him gently into his lap again, looking him over fretfully. Fjord makes a thoughtful sound and his eyes drift shut again.

“You saved me.”

It sounds like a question.

“Of course I did,” Caduceus says. He tentatively lays his hand on Fjord’s, gripping his fingers lightly and feeling another rush of relief at the warmth returning to his skin.

Fjord is silent for a moment, blinking slowly up at him like he’s seeing him for the first time.

“I saw Her,” he says at last. “The Wildmother.”

“Really?” Caduceus says, smiling as pride and contentment swells up inside him. 

Fjord hums, nodding.

“She told me to come back to you,” he says. He laughs weakly, grimacing in pain as he does. “She said I was too loved to leave yet.”

Caduceus doesn’t reply, something anxious and raw speeding up the thump of his heart against his sternum.

“You are,” he finally manages. “We all love you. You know that.”

Fjord smiles. His fingers tighten around Caduceus’ briefly, weak and just a hint of pressure. He reaches up with his other hand to grip Caduceus’ shoulder, pulling himself into a half-seated position despite the way it makes him hiss in pain.

“Don’t,” Caduceus says hastily even as he hurries to support Fjord’s back, “you need to lie down.”

“Stop worrying about me for two seconds,” Fjord murmurs. He tightens his grip on Caduceus’ shoulder to steady himself and rests his other hand on his jaw. Caduceus can feel it smear blood across his skin but doesn’t pay attention as Fjord kisses him. He’s barely had a chance to fully absorb what’s happening, much less kiss him back, when Fjord is pulling back and grunting in pain, clutching at his chest and leaning heavily against Caduceus again.

“See?” Caduceus scolds worriedly. “You need rest. And we still have to figure out how to get that thing out of you for good.”

Fjord groans with a combination of pain and distaste.

“Tomorrow,” he mutters. He lifts his head to look up at Caduceus, smiling fondly through his grimace of pain. “You’ll stay with me, won’t you? I don’t think I want to sleep alone after that.”

“Of course,” Caduceus says softly. He doesn’t have a chance to reply further as there’s a sudden blur of noise and color as Beau barrels into Fjord, tackling him in a hug as she shouts at him between choked sobs.

“That _hurts_ , you know,” Fjord wheezes when Beau sits up, scrubbing her hand over her eyes.

“Shut up,” she snaps, sniffing heartily and punching his arm, though even Caduceus can see her pull the punch. “You can’t abandon this crew and leave me in charge, do you know how shitty a captain I would be?”

Fjord chuckles and allows her to pull him into another crushing hug, wincing as she does. She’s still hugging him when a tearful Jester appears, supporting a limping Orly with the help of Yasha, dropping down to wrap her arms around both Fjord and Beau in a hug that makes them both grimace.

“Please, I don’t need my ribs broken again,” Fjord groans, rubbing his chest when they both release him at last. They’re both smiling, beaming at him through teary eyes, and Caduceus can’t help but smile himself. 

“He needs rest,” he says to the group at large as Veth trots up to give Fjord a hug, Caleb and Yasha clapping him on the shoulder as she does.

“We can put up the bubble,” Jester suggests, glancing at Caleb. 

“If it’s all the same to you, I think I need a bed,” Fjord says with another wince as Caduceus helps him into a fully seated position. “I can’t imagine they’ll try anything else tonight. And Caduceus has graciously agreed to keep me company just in case.”

“Oh really?” Jester says, voice dropping and a suggestive grin coming across her face.

“Jes, he just _died_ ,” Beau says incredulously, though she laughs as she says it, fond and relieved.

“I’ll put an Alarm around the door and windows at very least,” Caleb says, holding up a length of silver thread.

“Thank you, Caleb.” Fjord grunts and struggles to his feet with Caduceus’ help, clutching his chest and pulling a pained face. “I’m alright,” he insists when Caduceus makes to lift him off the ground entirely. “I can walk at very least.”

“Stubborn,” Caduceus mutters, earning a chuckle.

Orly vows to double the watch before tottering off to his own quarters to rest with Beau and Jester’s help, Fjord waving goodbye to him in thanks before allowing Caduceus to help him to the captain’s quarters once Caleb has finished his Alarm spell.

The room is still in disarray but Caduceus makes quick work of tidying it up and stripping the thin bed of the blankets still spotted with Fjord’s blood. He digs another worn blanket from the trunk in the corner to lay across the bed and helps Fjord to sit on the edge and tug off what’s left of his shirt to join the bloodied sheets. The sound of rain against the windows has settled someone, a steady drumming sound instead of lashing wind rattling the shutters.

“At least I’ll have a cool scar to match Beau’s,” Fjord observes as he touches the pink and scabbed skin of the now closed wound on his chest, bits of lichen still latched onto in places from Caduceus’ healing. 

His grin falters when he looks up to see Caduceus looking down at him, shoulders slumped and head hung. He feels exhausted, still afraid _something_ is going to go wrong. That Fjord might suddenly drop in front of him again. He can’t get the image of him being driven through with the very sword he once wielded from his vision every time he closes his eyes. He’s never felt so helpless.

“Hey,” Fjord says softly, taking his hand. He smiles. “I’m alright. Thanks to you.”

It’s that that breaks him, silent tears suddenly springing to his eyes and spilling down his cheeks in a rush. He stifles a sob, clapping his hand to his mouth and squeezing his eyes shut to try and stem the flow of tears.

“Whoa, whoa,” Fjord says hastily, pulling on his hand to tug him forward and down onto the bed next to him. 

“I’m sorry,” Caduceus croaks. “I’m _so sorry_.”

“For what?” Fjord says incredulously.

“I wasn’t _there_ ,” Caduceus says. “I wasn’t there and I should have been, I didn’t get there fast enough, it’s my fault.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Fjord insists, gripping his hand tighter. “None of this is your fault. You _warned me_ this would happen and I…” he shakes his head. “I don’t blame you, Caduceus, I would never blame you for this.”

“I should have been there,” Caduceus says quietly, wiping his eyes. He slumps in his seat, staring at his lap. “I should have been there to protect you.”

“Stop,” Fjord says gently. He smiles, touching his fingers under Caduceus’ chin to lift it slightly so he looks at him. “If anything, I should be the one protecting you. I am your Paladin, after all.”

Caduceus huffs out a laugh, shaking his head even as his chest flutters happily at the sentiment.

“You’re _Her_ Paladin,” he corrects.

“Mm, but I’m yours too,” Fjord says, squeezing his hand. 

Caduceus smiles, watching the way Fjord’s thumb rubs circles over the back of his hand.

“You need to sleep,” he says. “Then we can figure this—“ he gestures to Fjord’s bare, healing chest, “—out in the morning.”

“Alright,” Fjord sighs, the sound both reluctant and weary all at once. He shifts to lie down, moving to the far side of the bed and glancing back at Caduceus over his shoulder as he does. “You’ll stay with me?”

“Of course,” Caduceus says, smiling.

Fjord returns the smile before facing away again, shivering slightly as he curls up in a protective ball. Caduceus shrugs off his coat and drapes it over him, smiling when Fjord’s hand rests on his own briefly as he does. He watches Fjord in silence for a few minutes, his breath slowly evening into deep, steady exhales as he falls asleep.

He slouches, burying his face in his hands and finally allowing the feeling of exhaustion to sink into his bones. He’s sore, every inch of him aching, and there’s a weariness that sinks in even beyond his bones.

“Thank you,” he mumbles. “Thank you for giving him back to me.”

There’s a warm, sighing breeze that ruffles his hair despite the closed windows and he smiles into his palms. He scrubs his hands over his face and tugs off his tunic before lying down on the bed next to Fjord, resting one hand lightly on his back so he can feel his ribs expand under his fingers with each breath. He watches him until his eyes begin to drift shut from exhaustion and he can no longer fight sleep.


End file.
